the end of an era

oh how i miss blogging!

fortunately or unfortunately, i have been really busy these past few months that i refrained from updating my blogspot. school can totally cut ties.

these four months got me to thinking that maybe i should just quit this. and i will. :'(

***

last week, i went to cavite to visit my uncle who's a us navy based in japan. he went here for a short vacation and by the time i saw him, he had only one day left here in the phil.

i was reluctant to go there as my mom and i were not in good terms. oh what else is knew? turned out, my mom's pregnant again, this time with her eighth child. i mean, come on! who wants eight children these days when everything just seems tough? and we're not even talking about my mom's condition.

if she were rich, had a decent job, had a millionaire boyfriend, and were bathing in money, then by all means, she could produce all offsprings she wanted. but my mom has neither of those conditions i mentioned. she's broke, has no job, has an addiction to gambling, and is stuck with a good-for-nothing boyfriend. and they still have the audacity to pop another baby?

don't get me wrong. i love my mom to the bones. but it's just extremely frustrating that everyone's rooting for her, everyone wants to see her well, and she ignores all these, and still manages to mees her already fu(ked up life! i just hope she straightens up, thinks of all the lives she's dragging into this mess. there is hope.

***

there was this one relative i really did not know who that was in cavite when i had visited. he's a frail man around his 50's and has dark skin. my cousin tambe and i were joking around in front of her father (my us navy uncle) when the unknown relative butted in and said, "alam mo ba, ang mga bakla, hindi tinatanggap sa langit?"

I gave him the look which exclaimed, "well, i really don't care about what you think!"

i shunned the man, but it was too hard to shun what he said.

two things:

i know several gay guys have been told that, and now i know how it feels.

i want to go to heaven. and i am hoping my sexual preference will not be the final consideration if i should move to paradise or not. because i am happy with my sexuality. you can judge me with my actions and my speech. but spare me from condemnation, just because i am this.

***

i was not allowed to enroll last wednesday because i was considered an irregular student--the very first time, and what a time to come, when i am already in my last sem as a journalism student?

our thesis adviser gave me and my groupmates a grade of "incomplete" as we failed to revise our thesis on time.

i've also seen my grades and i had mixed emotions. i was happy because i did not incur a grade of 3 in any of my subjects. there were rumors circulating that if you had gotten a grade of 3 in any of your subjects then you could kiss your dreams of getting any of the latin honors goodbye. getting the grade of incoplete, i was told, will not affect my chances. so i am still hoping that once our thesis adviser releases our grade, he would not give us 3 or lower. i was sad however because i still did not make it to the dean's list this sem whereas most of my classmates did. don't get me wrong, i was really happy for them, especially those who made it for the first time.

and i am also looking at the brightside. well at least now, i have an idea of how well i should do in the coming second--and last--semester.

wish me luck!! sana hindi na talaga ako tamarin!

***

also last wednesday was the culminating day of inkblots 2007. the fellowship night capped the three-day event, participated in by students from schools in metro manila, to as far as cagayan, bicol, palawan and general santos. beat that!

after the delegates had eaten and left, the staff, including the amihans and my epal self, proceeded to eat. the food was delish, as always.

the following morning, i found myself sick with an upset stomach.

i had never been that sick for a while. my stool was watery (sorry for the details), and i had to be rushed to the hospital. the doctors subjected me to different tests to find what's wrong.

one test was really painful. i felt violated. i'll spare you the details. gross!

my doctors considered confining me in the hospital but changed their minds and allowed me to go home and just rest, instead.

turned out it was acute gastritis, and i was not the only one suffering from it. i had been told half of the v staff were also in pain.

good thing, we're all fine now!

***

yes, i will be quitting this.

but i am moving forward.

this is the end of my blogspot era. it had been a special experience. i had this baby for a couple of years. i was even close to being suspended from school because of this.

but it's time to move on.

however, i would like to thank those who have been part of this tiny web space. thank you to aika and rafael, two of the best web designers in the world for taking care of my blog's aesthetics! thank you to my links. and most especially, thank you to my readers, who were patient enough to spare some time to read all the bs i dished out!

this is the end of an era.

i'm moving to multiply! see you there.

-end-

fin

PBB has just crowned a new winner. And it was no other than the very lovable Bea. It was bittersweet finale for me. Just like almost everybody else, I hated Wendy. But I was rooting for Gee-Anne, and she only placed 4th.



lovable. bea is this season's big winner.




My fave. I rooted for Gee-Ann all season long.


And while I hated Wendy ever since she entered the house, I felt a little pity toward her when she got booed all night long. The people were relentless. Payback was a beyotch. And maybe, she deserved it.

***
The UST Women's Volleyball Team has made it to the finals of the ongoing Shakey's V-League. Hurrah!!

It was an uphill climb for the Tigresses, who started erratically in the eliminations, but swept all their games in the semis to emerge number one going into the finals. They will be facing the tough San Sebastian squad.

I am proud of these girls. I am hoping they'll do their best in the finals, and eventually win the crown.

Bad news, though, for the UST Seniors Men's Basketball Team. Jojo Duncil, who led the Tigers in the extra period to stun the fancied Ateneo Blue Eagles, has decided to go PRO.

UST has lost a vital cog to its 2006 championship team. But you should not take Duncil's going pro by just face value. Rumors circulated that he has already 25. And in the UAAP guidelines, no one is allowed to play after reaching the maximum age of 25.

His age is still in question because there are two Jojo Duncil birth certificates making the rounds. The first one, UST's copy, says Duncil was born in 1983, thus he is just 24, and still eligible to play. The other, maintains that he was born in 1983 and is already 25.

Darryl Basa, one of my faves in Team B, is taking the last spot vacated by Duncil. The other rookies are Rum Perry Scott, Kashim Mirza, Hector Badua, and Soriano.

Will UST be able to defend the crown with the loss of Jojo, and the return of De La Salle?

We shall find out. The UAAP Season 70 starts on July 7. UST will be playing its first game at 4 p.m. on July 8, Sunday, at the Cuneta Astrodome in Pasay, City, against UE .

***
I know I have not been updating my blog lately. I have been too busy with school and other activities. School's been running for just three weeks now, but I already feel tired and uninspired. This has got to change.

Just last Tuesday, I, together with the rest of Journ Soc officers, went to Quezon City, Tiendesitas, Eastwood, and Makati to look for a venue where we could hold our annual acquaintance party and the 2007 Mr. and Ms. Journalism.

I was a contestant last year, but this time, it's gonna be different, since I am in charge of the contest. Pray for me so that I would be able to do a good job.

Besides being busy, I think blogging's been sort of passe now. I am thinking of transferring to Multiply because it is the "in" thing. But this is my baby. It is going to be difficult to leave it.

***
Speaking of multiply, the multiply account of the UST Journalism Society is now up.

So to all journ students, alum, teachers, and friends who wanna stay connected, just add our multiply account.

click here to view.

come on. don't be shy!!

Smile naman d'yan. God bless us all!!

he is my hero

You and i may not be extremely close. I may not understand you at times, and you may also feel the same toward me.

But for working really hard from the day you learned you and mom were going to have me up to now to be able to send itoy and I to school, for sacrificing and going abroad to provide us with better things, for taking us to different places each time we're together, for taking care of me when I am sick, for always telling me I can do whatever I set my eyes onto, for understanding each time I tell you I did not make the dean's list (again), thank you, daddy. You are my hero. I love you.

Happy Fathers' Day to my daddy, to my lolo, and all the great dads around the world!!

Smile naman 'dyan. God bless us all!!

time flies

I couldn’t believe it. It seemed just yesterday when I graduated from high school. I was teary-eyed as I bid my school and my classmates goodbye.

And now, I am in my senior year as college student. Shocks, time really flies.

I could still remember how I walked through the streets of Lacson and España to get to St. Raymund’s Building; how I made a quick stop at a nearby convenience shop to get some m & m’s; how I sat together with Aika, Jenny, Aianne and Rea at the back; how AA pulled a prank on all of us; how we arranged our seats alphabetically as our first teacher, Barney, arrived; and how we accompanied Hershey, whom I initially found “epal”, to buy her ballpen in a nearby bookstore, and then went home walking.

Many things have happened during my stay in college. Some bad, some ugly, but all the great things outweigh every negative thing that happened.

I came to class a little late today. I was not expecting that our teacher would be there already. I was welcomed with shouts of excitement by my classmates. I entered the room with confidence—very different from the way I did back in first year.

In one year’s time, I will (hopefully) be graduating. I better make this year special for me and the people around me.

Smile naman d’yan. God bless us all!!

not good enough (shux, i'm getting used to this)

I feel really down. It has been blow after another blow.

Kinukulit ko lahat ng tao na kakilala ko na ipagdasal ako, n asana matupad ko ‘yung pangarap ko. I have also been praying really hard for it. As in. I started praying for it since the holy week. I included it in my petition when I was doing the Passion of the Cross. Every time, I pray at night, I always pray for it. Every time I pass by a church, I pray for it.

I did not tell what my dream was to anybody for the fear of jinxing it.

But no success.

The truth is, I want to be UST’s courtside reporter this coming UAAP season. Ever since I entered college, I wanted to be “it”.

I thought that this year was my time because I already have enough experience, and enough knowledge about the UAAP, and I believed that Donna’s term of two years has ended.

So I took my chance, and submitted my resume last May 1.

After “he” left me, I found more reason to want to do it. I thought to myself that I needed to do it to regain my self-esteem.

But after almost a month of waiting, I got no call.

So I called ABS sports this afternoon before I went to San Juan to cover the V-League games. At sobrang nalungkot ako dahil sinabi sa akin na tapos na ang auditions at nasa final screening stage na sila.

I was destroyed.

Am I not even good enough to take part of the auditions? Am I that ugly to not even deserve a call? I would have understood if I did not make it to the final screenings because I sucked at the audition. But to not even take part of it? That is something else.

Hindi ko naman papasukin ‘yan kung alam kong di ko kaya eh. I know I can do better than those who are already doing it. It was one of the reasons why I quit V. It was one of the things that I really wanted to do. It was also the biggest reason why I wanted, and worked hard for, to do my internship in a sports section of a major broadsheet. I immersed myself to basketball and volleyball--the two most popular UAAP sports. I even talked to someone who’s been doing it to give me tips. Modesty aside, I can write and speak well. Kaso…hayyy..

I was not good enough for the man I liked. I could accept that. But being not good enough for something I really wanted to do, for my long-time dream, for something I prayed really hard for, and am willing to work hard for, is something else. That is extremely heartbreaking.

I cried. I wanna cry. I hope this streak ends sooon.

PS. Smile naman d’yan (I’ll try). God bless us all.

unwanted.

He has made it clear. The feeling was not mutual. I was the only one who felt in love. He did not feel the same.

It sucks when you pour in your emotions; you love someone like you have never loved anyone before, only to learn that there is nothing you can really do to make that person love you back.

I waited for him—something that I never did to most guys that came my way if I sensed that it is getting nowhere. I thought he was worth the wait, after all, I would not love someone this much all the time. Besides, I wanted to love maturely. I did not want to just give up all the time if I learned that I am not getting anything.

It hurts. I am hurt. But what can I do?

We talked last Sunday after I heard mass. We ate at Yellow Cab. That was what I wanted—closure. But at the back of my head, I was worried I might cry. I was almost in tears while hearing mass.

I tried my best to “convince” him that we were perfect for each other. All the while, he was listening but seemed apathetic. There was nothing.

It was another guy, he told me two Sundays ago. But he no longer feels anything for this guy after he found out that he was just cheating on him, and in fact already had a boyfriend. The guy was not hard to love, he said. After all, the guy was almost perfect. He said he was extremely goodlooking, rich and intelligent. I said to myself, come on, rub it some more.

He told me that he was just planning to be single for a very long time for the fear of it happening again. He said he realized that he would rather be neglected than be fooled. Bobo ka ba? Those two are not your only options. You deserve someone better. You still have me as your choice. I would have made you feel that those two were never your options, anyways!!

We ended our conversation without me crying. In fact, we even laughed most of the time, sitting on a sidewalk with sidecar drivers sleeping in their sidecars in front of us. We parted our ways with us remaining friends. Shet, madami na akong kaibigan. Pero makalipas ang anim na buwan nang paghihintay, wala pa rin akong syota!

I felt that, although I loved him strongly, it was going to be easy for me to get over him. Fuck other guys, I guess. Fuck all the guys I want this summer break. Date other guys, watch movies with other guys, eat out with other guys, walk along the streets of España with other guys. What was going to be difficult was to get over my self-esteem issues. On the back of my head, someone tells me that I can never be good enough for a guy I like. And although I fake a lot of smiles and laughter when I am with other people, I know deep inside, that I can never fake what I feel when I lay down in my bed by myself.

But I know I’ll get better.

And maybe, just maybe, even if we’re now “just friends”, I can still fuck him in the future. I hope he’s still a virgin when that time comes.

Hehehe.

***
Extras:

1. I have just seen the Oscar-nominated movie Little Miss Sunshine. It is very entertaining. And although the movie touched a few heartstrings, I was expecting more from it, I guess. Still, I encourage everyone to watch it.

2. UST defeated La Salle in four sets in the Shakey’s V-League last Tuesday. Impressive. Today at 1 p.m., UST will face Ateneo. Be sure to watch it live at The Arena in San Juan.

3. I am doing just fine with my ojt. This is supposed to be my last week but I convinced my editor to allow me to extend my internship until next week.

4. Blake and Jordin squared off in the finale of American Idol. It was not a good show. AI’s losing steam. Jordin is like to win the show, but I hope Blake stuns her. Nakipagpusatahan kasi ako sa ibang mga taga-V na siya ang mananalo. Hehehe sampum piso din ‘yun noh. But whoever wins, I don’t care. Wala na si Melinda eh.

5. It’s starting to rain these days. I feel happy about it. I was ecstatic when I heard thunders. Iba ‘yung pakiramdam kapag kumukulog sa panahon ng tag-init. The other day, I slept with the rain pouring, but woke up with my body drenched in sweat.

Smile naman d’yan. God bless us all!!

when will (insert subject here) ever learn?

For the first time, after three weeks of training in the sports section of the Philippine Star, I got published today.

Woohoo!!

Check out a copy of Star today. My article’s on page A27. Hahaha, it’s a pretty small article, but I am not complaining. Because I got no one to share it with and I went there without Sir Joey or any other trainer.

Again, woohoo!!

So this is how it feels. I did not tell anyone that I got published when I learned about it. But to my surprise, some people, especially my family noticed it. My mom even texted me to say that my lola asked one of my cousins to go back to the nearby market, which is about 10 Km away, even if it’s already late, just so she could purchase a copy of the Star. Hahaha, sweet!!

For the last time, woohoo!!

***
The story I wrote about was the then ongoing Jr. NBA tournament in Makati. I attended the event’s culmination today featuring the semifinals and the finals matches, and other side contests.

The tournament was participated in by champion Ateneo, runner-up San Beda, semifinalists UST and De La Salle Zobel, and other schools like De La Salle Greenhills, Don Bosco Makati and Mandaluyong, University of Perpetual Help, Elizabeth Seton and many others.

I was pleasantly surprised when I saw a bunch of really cute players from the participating schools. The only catch was, the league’s oldest players were only 14 years old. Hehehe. I know, I have the makings of a pedophile.

I would like to thank the organizers of Jr. NBA for being really accommodating.

***
It has been five days since the elections. Most winners have been proclaimed by now, while the counting for the senatorial elections still continues.

The elections were declared “relatively peaceful” by the PNP. But can the same thing be said about the counting?

I don’t think so. And I know you share the same notion.

The Disastrous: A precinct in Batanngas was burned killing a teacher. What kind of person would do this? For sure, his soul is not being burned in hell.

The Depressing: Teachers who facilitated the elections last Monday voiced out their disappointments in different canvassing areas and city halls after not receiving half of their promised salaries immediately. These teachers were already preparing early morning of Monday, endured the sweltering heat, and tolerated hunger. They deserved to get their salaries right away. One teacher put it best, “Masyado naming pinapapababa ang sarili namin. Pumipila kami dito para sa napakababang halaga.”

The Crazy:Q.C. Congressman-in-the-running Bingbong Crisologo made a scene in the QC city hall early Wednesday because he felt that he was being cheated. He tried to destroy the glass doors of one of the rooms because he was not allowed to enter the room by the guards.

The Abnormally Normal: Cheating’s still rampant especially in Muslim Mindanao. Political Dynasties are still very much alive. Yuck.

The Stupidly Funny:One winning Pampangga mayor was interviewed on the radio some days back. He was very confident that his partymates, including their gubernatorial bet would win. I was bored, until..

Radio Announcer: Kumusta naman po ‘yung senatorial race diyan?
Mayor: Maayos naman po.
Radio Announcer: Sino na ang lumalamang?
Mayor: Hay nako, 12-0 po dito.
Radio Announcer: Pabor po kanino? Sa administarsyon o sa oposisyon?
Mayor: Ah sa Team Unity po.
Radio Announcer: So wala pong makakapasok diyan sa oposisyon?
Mayor: Ah meron naman po siguro.

Huwaw!! 12-0 nga. Hahaha!!

The Inspirational:Pampangga has a new governor in the person of Fr. Panlilio who defeated Pineda, wife of the purported jueteng lord Bong Pineda, and outgoing governor Mark Lapid. Expect changes in Pampangga.

The Good News:Chavit Singson and Victor Wood are no way near the Magic 12 in the Senatorial Elections. Manny Pacquiao trails Darlene Custodio by thousands of votes in their native General Santos. Good choice.

The Bad News:Alan Peter Cayetano is still pretty much in the running to become a senator. Dayumn.

The Outright Wrong:Melinda Doolittle was booted out of American Idol leaving the overrated Jordin Sparks and the mediocre Blake Lewis in the finals. Come on, America!! When will you ever learn?

Smile naman d'yan. God bless us all!!