my mother part 1

Ideal Mother- is not a Stepford wife, cool, understanding, loving, caring.

I do not know. I feel like shit tonight.

My mother’s still addicted to the casino. My mother’s still loves easy money. My mother still depends on my grandparents. My mother still leaves my siblings in Cavite to go to the casino. My mother still does not get sufficient amount of sleep. My mother’s still not the woman I used to know.

I still love my mother.



It just breaks my heart. It broke my heart when my mom and my dad got separated. But it breaks my heart even more to see my mom like that. She has given birth to 5 children since she and my dad parted ways.

It breaks my heart when I see my mom’s life all messed up. It breaks my heart that they don’t live a comfortable life there in Cavite. It breaks my heart to know that she has to fight with his older brother there just to get her share. It breaks my heart that she has to take care of 5 kids and an almost unproductive partner and in the process forget about herself.

You can’t just imagine the pain that I am feeling. It’s always a different issue when it’s about my mom.

All I wanna see is a mother who wants to be better for her kids. I want her to feel better. I want her to live better. I don’t want my mom getting hurt. But I know with what I have done, I had hurt her too. Shouting at her on the phone was not easy, knowing that she is borrowing money from me for the nth time was not easy.

I am heart-broken. No one breaks my heart the way my mom does. And I still love her.

Please forgive for the incoherence. I cannot find a better way to let the pain that I am feeling out.

Life sucks.

You can go find your princes. I am not in the mood to search for frogs. God bless us all.